Story / 05 Feb 2014 / 0 COMMENTS

Dealing with Fear

Many people who know me well, know about a particular fear I have, I am terrified of stepping on any kind of airplane. Even the thought of it gives me goose bumps and my worst nightmares involve some element of flying.

I haven’t been flying for a very long time, the last one was in 2010 and even that one was for therapy. Because of this, I could say that I know fear pretty well and how silly unfounded fears like fear of flying actually are.

Whilst I still haven’t conquered my fear of flying I however did manage to overcome many of my other fears that have been holding me back throughout my life. This became obvious when I looked back and reflect how far I have come from the point when I left Thailand at the age of 17 and travelled on a cargo ship to Europe. At that time I have never travelled on my own nor visited a country without me knowing anyone else there. I was terrified of leaving a place and environment I felt comfortable and familiar with to dive into cold waters and actually be on my own.

My first trip was born out of necessity rather than a desire for me to travel. I needed to travel to Europe to go to University. I couldn’t take the easy step of stepping on a plane, but instead had to travel on trains, boats and buses to get from Bangkok to Hamburg, simply because I was even more terrified of flying. Thinking about, it is quite ironic that I was forced to confront one fear because of another. And I am actually glad that I accepted my fear of flying, because I wouldn’t have otherwise discovered my passion for travelling and journeying. That trip was a major turning point in my life, because I learned that many of my fears and the resulting inhibitions and indecisions were unfounded and could be easily conquered by confronting them. Things like having to ask someone for directions, trying out unfamiliar foods and not knowing beforehand where to get the next train became the first fears that I had to properly deal with. This experience didn’t turn me into a fearless person over night, but set me on a path to overcome many of them going forward.

I recently had a conversation with good friends of mine about each other’s personality type and I was quite surprised that they thought that I was more of an extrovert. This was quite shocking to me, as I know that I am not an extrovert at all. I always identified myself as an introvert, someone who observes other people’s conversation before contributing, being shy and not very social, as well as feeling most at ease working in the background away from the limelight. From that conversation alone I have realised that first of all I had made huge progress in shedding my inhibitions, secondly that you can learn how to be outgoing and thirdly that introversion does not mean being shy and antisocial at all.

I am not saying that I am with no fear now, on the contrary I still experience them all the time, but what has changed is how I deal with them. I take them as little challenges to overcome, be it going to a party where I don’t know anyone, walking up to a stranger and start talking to them or making big decisions such as leaving everything behind and starting a new life somewhere else. With every challenge I take on and successfully overcome, comes a set of rewards that are well worth the risk. I get to know new and exciting people who become good friends, make great connections and best of all get the feeling that I have not missed out, which for me is the best sign that I am living in the moment.